Growing up like most other people, I had best friends. They were great. We played, we talked, we bonded, we helped each other. But I never really felt ''whole''. So all my life, like most people, I have been searching for that one person to complete me, my other half. I thought I found that person in high school until I slowly realized that it was more of a codependent young relationship. In my late teens and early twenties I searched and searched and even though I had boyfriends and HOPED that they'd be that one person for me, they just weren't. In all honesty, I didn't even really like most of them, I was just happy that they weren't like the previous boyfriends, but it ended up that they were all sort of the same. Boring, empty headed, a poison to my life, and most of the time... very egotistical. I wanted someone who I could have a conversation with about religion, without getting offended or pushy, someone who cared about animals as much as I did, someone who loved my favorite band, Incubus, as much as I did, someone who wanted to help people, someone who wasn't cynical, someone who was just... my other half.
One particularly awkward, long, and somewhat dramatic summer, summer of 2011, I was still ''trying to work things out'' with a boyfriend who lived in Texas, whereas I lived in Pennsylvania at the time. This guy and I had been on and off for about 5 years. Anyway, I was trying to just be friends with him at that time since we were both going through different things emotionally, I was trying to pull myself up from depression (I was diagnosed with cyclothymic bipolar disorder in 2007) and I just needed something more in life. So we broke up. Almost instantly, I got involved with some other guy who I met through a friend, who I thought I could help. My mom used to say that I have a ''savior complex''. Anyway, that ended quickly... thankfully, because he was a bit nutty.
Around that time, I kept getting emails and text messages and Facebook messages from the first ex who I was talking about, saying HORRIBLE things to me. Saying that I am useless, I'm worthless, I'm a bitch, I'm a waste of life, and finally, that I should kill myself.
Not to sound like ''woe is me'', but it did not help my depression. And until now, only a few people know this: I was very suicidal. I wanted to finish massage school so my parents would be proud that I actually finished something that I started, but after that, I was going to end my life. I hadn't experienced that kind of depression in a few years, and since it came back, I took it as a sign.
In late August, I went back to work at the cafe at Mount St. Mary's University in Emmittsburg, Md. I was happy to be around my old coworkers again. I missed them all summer.
September 21, 2011:
I got onto Facebook in the morning (by morning, I mean like 1pm), like I usually did. I don't really remember why I got onto FB chat, I usually made sure that I had it turned off. I think I was waiting to talk to a friend because their phone was off or something. Anyway, I went to brush my teeth and came back to see a chat window opened and someone initiating a conversation. I thought it was my friend.
Nope.
It was someone who added me and I had seen around Facebook because we were both fans of the same band: Incubus.
Our first few words to each other went exactly like this:
Pipe: Hello. How are you?
Dara: Hey there... I'm pretty apathetic how are you?
Pipe: I'm fine, thanks. Oh.. is this not a good time?
In retrospect, I wonder why I even said that. Why couldn't I have said, ''I'm great thanks!''
We talked for about 3 or 4 hours about nothing in particular, really, but he was so interesting to me. I had to go to work, so we said our ''talk to you laters'', and I left. I told all of my coworkers about him and the rest of the night at work, I only thought of him. I couldn't get him out of my head. We agreed that we'd talk more when I got home from work, but I got a message from him on Facebook that his power went out and he wouldn't be able to get back on at night. I was kinda sad.
I lied in bed and couldn't sleep because all I did was think of him... and then think of how crazy it was that my mind was being engulfed by the thoughts of this guy who I've only ever had one conversation with.
The next day, I made sure to get up earlier (which I don't think happened) to talk to him. And we talked for another 5 or so hours. I never talked to him before because I didn't know he knew English. He was from Santiago, Chile. I was from the US. As our conversation kept smoothly along, without any awkward moments or silences, I found out that he is an animal lover, and a vegetarian (I'm a vegan!), he loves Incubus (and in a few days was getting a tattoo of a drawing that the lead singer features in one of his books), he is studying to be an English teacher, and is a healthy eater. My mouth was gaped open almost the whole time.
I FOUND MY OTHER HALF!!!!!
He's a vegetarian, loves Incubus, and is going to be a teacher!!!! Ahhh!! How perfect he is!
Over the next 15 days, we became extremely close. We'd talk all day when he wasn't in classes and when I wasn't in my classes or working. Even at work on my down time I'd get on MSN messenger on my phone and talk with him. We became a bit obsessed with each other.
And that's putting it lightly.
We started saying that we loved each other, video chatting all the time, we were just always all about each other.
October 6, 2011:
As we were talking before I had to work, I went to my ''relationship status'' on Facebook, and I asked Felipe if he would accept my request. He said yes, probably not knowing what I was talking about.
I scrolled down to the ''in a relationship'' and clicked on it and the ''with'' part, I added Felipe's name.
He accepted it.
The entire... I don't know, maybe 20 or 30 seconds that I waited for him to accept, I was almost sweating for anxiety and nervousness. I don't know why. We had already discussed that we wanted to spend our lives together. Does that sound crazy? After 15 days of talking online!
He finally accepted.
PHEW!
And he said, ''I love you, honey!''
That put a smile on my face. But I had to go to work then. I got there and all of my coworkers were happy for me, and some probably thought it was a little weird, but meh, it didn't matter.
''Dara Emerald Isadore (my Facebook name at the time) is in a relationship with Pipe Boyd (his Facebook name then)''.
I got home and we talked the rest of the night, our relationship status about 50 or 60 ''likes''. That was when I realized that people were paying attention to us and kind of cheering us on, kinda like, ''hey... you guys really care about each other! I hope it works out!''
So around the first day or two of November we sent each other some things in the mail. I got what Felipe sent November 16th. There were pictures he painted, which were amazing, a ticket stub to an Incubus concert, a letter, his favorite soccer team jersey and a really warm brown scarf of his, with his cologne sprayed on it. I slept with his scarf and jersey everynight. The next day Felipe got my gifts. Some books, a candle, some scarves, my Steeler's jersey, and a little handmadebook type thing. That was his birthday and he said that it was the best gift he'd ever gotten.
One day I was walking downstairs and literally stopped in my tracks and thought, ''Holy shit, I'm so in love with this guy. I don't feel depressed anymore. I'm happy. I'M HAPPY!!!!''
He made me feel... just alive. So vibrant, so full of love. He saw potential in me. And he said I made him feel the same way. I can only hope that that was true. I was just so much about him, he was on my mind 24/7. He was everything that had ever hoped and dreamed of for my perfect man, and so so so SO much more. He was just... IT! After I met him, I did not even look at another guy. I used to have a big thing for James Franco, Johnny Depp, and Brandon Boyd. While I still love them as actors/musicians, none of them could compare to my Felipe.
Also around November, we decided that we need to be around each other. We just had to. So at the time, the plan was for me to go to Santiago for 2 weeks to visit and then Felipe go to the US to finish his education and live for a few years, then u go to live in Santiago for the rest of our lives.
I told the plan to my mom and I don't think that she really believed me. But eventually, the plan changed to me moving to Santiago for a year, then us going to the US and living our lives.
I remember the day that I told my parents that. My mom got really nervous and ate almost an entire Ferrero Rocher chocolate box, hahahaha. My dad said, ''Really, Dara? Right when we decided to move, too!'' But I had to tell them that this is what I wanted to do. I needed to be with Felipe. I told them that I needed certain things like my birth certificate from Germany, my passport, I needed to get my tiny Veda to the vet and all of her shots to travel internationally, sell my minivan (I know, I know), and a whole bunch of other crap.
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| Veda at the vet |
I had estimated that it would take 3-4 months to get my birth certificate and passport, it took 3 weeks for my BC and 2 for my passport. I was amazed! Veda's vet bills were pretty hefty, like around $600, but I couldn't leave her.. she's my little buddy! I sold my van, I left both of my jobs. And it all was happening so quickly, I was so happy!
I was finally going to get to be with my Felipe!
A week before we left, my parents held a ''going away'' party for me to say see ya! to my relatives and friends. Only 4 friends came to the friend part of the party. Thanks guys...
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| My e-ticket! |
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| My going away party banner! |
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| The last time I saw my brother was the weekend before I moved, in March 2012. |
March 31, 2012:
We left for Santiago. By we, I mean myself, my parents (because even though I was 25, they didn't like the idea of me moving to another country without them checking it out first), and Veda. We woke up around 4:30am, left at 5 for BWI. From there we flew to Ft. Lauderdale. From Ft. Lauderdale we drove to Miami. From Miami we flew to Lima. From Lima we flew to Santiago. 24 hours of zero sleep, on and off flights with a Chihuahua, dealing with anxiety from descending, and not-so-delish airport food.
It was all worth it.
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| Veda and I at the airport. |
....To Be Continued....
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